But, seriously. Are you Barney Stinson? Do you cheer for the bad guy? Is the jerk always your favorite in TV shows and movies? WHY ARE YOU CHEERING FOR BIFF?!
Anyway, for my own sanity, and in complete fear of my own personal national nightmare coming true, I realize I have to back away from the why-the-hell-are-you-serious-about-voting-for-Trump wagon.
I don’t get it, guys. I’ll never understand it. I can hold onto tangible ideas like being a Republican, voting for Conservatives, voting your values, so on and so forth. I may not agree with you, and you won’t agree with me, and that is perfectly fine. It’s great even! How boring would it be if we all agreed, you know? The Trump thing, I just…. there are no words. No nice words. I don’t get it. If you like him because he has a ‘good mind for business’ (never mind that he’s been bankrupt 3049283490234 times), or because he’s entertaining on The Apprentice (well, he used to be until his ignorant, racist comments got him fired), that’s fine, but it doesn’t make him qualified to be leader of the free world. Shoot, I watched The Apprentice for years — the celebrity season with Clay Aiken was my jam! I never liked Trump at all, but the show was entertaining.
If you’re reading this and you plan on voting for Donald Trump, I sincerely (probably) love you. I have probably hurt your feelings with blanket statements saying if you support Trump you are probably stupid, but listen, I don’t think you are personally an unintelligent person (I actually think the opposite which is why it’s SO FRUSTRATING TO ME that you want to vote for Biff Tannen). I’m sure some of you have said, “Anyone who voted for Obama is stupid!” and you do not personally think I am stupid. Or you do! That’s fine, too. I’ve been called worse and I’m sure I’ll be called worse in the future, I have no doubts.
But listen to me. Please. Stop being duped. Donald Trump is not a good “Christian Conservative”. Some of you folks saying that he is and that we ‘can’t question his beliefs’ are the same folks who swear President Obama isn’t a Christian. Donald Trump is not what you want him so badly to be. He is a pandering liar. He is a dangerous, xenophobic, misogynist. He is a racist, through and through. He is not a good person, he is not a nice person, he is not the guy you want on your side, because he will NEVER be on your side. Ever. Not in this life or any other. He does not ‘tell it like it is’ unless ‘like it is’ translates to you being a racist turd, too. You’re not a racist turd! Whoever you are reading this, I know you aren’t! And if you are, why are we friends anyway?
But, the fact is, y’all are gonna vote for Biff no matter how many anti-Biff posts I share on Facebook, no matter how many times I retweet his elementary level comments to try to get him to block me. You’re gonna do it, and I’m not gonna get it (ever), so I have to stop. Someone (Marie) said to me yesterday, “I see you’re fighting the good fight against Donald Trump” and it just made me think……Why am I even doing this? I had been doing pretty well about politics since the 2012 election, but how much I dislike Trump has clouded my judgement. At first it was a big joke, and now it’s real life and people are legitimately voting for Biff Tannen and I just have to move on or I am going to plunge myself into a lake with cinder blocks tied to my ankles.
So, Biff yourself to death. Just Biff it. Biff on, Biff off. Just know that part of me is dying inside trying to love y’all through this trying time.