Why do people want to vote for Biff Tannen?

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I stole this image from Google Image Search, FYI.

But, seriously.  Are you Barney Stinson?  Do you cheer for the bad guy?  Is the jerk always your favorite in TV shows and movies?  WHY ARE YOU CHEERING FOR BIFF?!

Anyway, for my own sanity, and in complete fear of my own personal national nightmare coming true, I realize I have to back away from the why-the-hell-are-you-serious-about-voting-for-Trump wagon.

I don’t get it, guys.  I’ll never understand it. I can hold onto tangible ideas like being a Republican, voting for Conservatives, voting your values, so on and so forth.  I may not agree with you, and you won’t agree with me, and that is perfectly fine.  It’s great even!  How boring would it be if we all agreed, you know?  The Trump thing, I just…. there are no words.  No nice words.  I don’t get it. If you like him because he has a ‘good mind for business’ (never mind that he’s been bankrupt 3049283490234 times), or because he’s entertaining on The Apprentice (well, he used to be until his ignorant, racist comments got him fired), that’s fine, but it doesn’t make him qualified to be leader of the free world.  Shoot, I watched The Apprentice for years — the celebrity season with Clay Aiken was my jam!  I never liked Trump at all, but the show was entertaining.

If you’re reading this and you plan on voting for Donald Trump, I sincerely (probably) love you.  I have probably hurt your feelings with blanket statements saying if you support Trump you are probably stupid, but listen, I don’t think you are personally an unintelligent person (I actually think the opposite which is why it’s SO FRUSTRATING TO ME that you want to vote for Biff Tannen).  I’m sure some of you have said, “Anyone who voted for Obama is stupid!” and you do not personally think I am stupid.  Or you do!  That’s fine, too.  I’ve been called worse and I’m sure I’ll be called worse in the future, I have no doubts.

But listen to me.  Please.  Stop being duped.  Donald Trump is not a good “Christian Conservative”.  Some of you folks saying that he is and that we ‘can’t question his beliefs’ are the same folks who swear President Obama isn’t a Christian.  Donald Trump is not what you want him so badly to be.  He is a pandering liar.  He is a dangerous, xenophobic, misogynist.  He is a racist, through and through.  He is not a good person, he is not a nice person, he is not the guy you want on your side, because he will NEVER be on your side.  Ever.  Not in this life or any other.  He does not ‘tell it like it is’ unless ‘like it is’ translates to you being a racist turd, too.  You’re not a racist turd!  Whoever you are reading this, I know you aren’t!  And if you are, why are we friends anyway?

But, the fact is, y’all are gonna vote for Biff no matter how many anti-Biff posts I share on Facebook, no matter how many times I retweet his elementary level comments to try to get him to block me.  You’re gonna do it, and I’m not gonna get it (ever), so I have to stop.  Someone (Marie) said to me yesterday, “I see you’re fighting the good fight against Donald Trump” and it just made me think……Why am I even doing this?  I had been doing pretty well about politics since the 2012 election, but how much I dislike Trump has clouded my judgement.  At first it was a big joke, and now it’s real life and people are legitimately voting for Biff Tannen and I just have to move on or I am going to plunge myself into a lake with cinder blocks tied to my ankles.

So, Biff yourself to death.  Just Biff it.  Biff on, Biff off.  Just know that part of me is dying inside trying to love y’all through this trying time.

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I don’t think this is about Valentine’s Day at all, actually.

I have always hated Valentine’s Day.

When I was a little girl, it always embarrassed me that little boys never sent me any cards or candy grams or whatever it is they do in elementary school. My teeth were crooked, I was chubby, wore glasses, and was so awkward and loud that it was just plain painful. I was smart, and not athletic, which I think is beyond awesome now, but whatever. Anyway, all that stuff bothered me and it’s the same story of a million girls just like me. But none of it bothered me the way it did when my girl friends got flowers and candy from their Dad’s delivered to school.

Every. Single. Year. Every year, I told myself that I wouldn’t worry about it, or look forward to it, or wish for it. But, every year, I would sit and listen to them return to class and say, “it’s from my Dad” and it killed me a little bit inside. I felt left out when I was ignored by boys, but I felt deeply, irreparably broken when I didn’t feel relevant to my Dad.

Years later, I don’t hold any resentment toward my Dad for this, or for much of anything anymore. From time to time it strikes me how much I missed having a Dad in so many situations in my life, and while I sit up on this Friday night and scroll through pictures of flowers and candy, I can’t help but think about it. Valentine’s Day is stupid. It’s a ridiculous holiday, and I don’t have to get into all the reasons why. When I was single, everyone assumed I hated it because I was alone. Well, I’m married and I still think it’s super lame, so lame that Chad and I don’t even acknowledge or celebrate it. If you like it, I’m not yucking your yum, so don’t take it personally. I’m just telling you why I never have.

Even so, I can tell you the sweetest thing I ever got for Valentine’s Day. It’s not all a wash because nothing ever is. I got a heart shaped box of peanut M&M’s from my Papaw Doc when I was probably 6 or 7, and even though it wasn’t delivered to school, it made me feel so special that he thought of me. But, then again, when didn’t he? In all the places I looked for my Dad, my Papaw found a way to fill those cracks as best he could and it made me okay again. My Mama never forgot me, either. She knows I love the fruit flavored, cream filled chocolates and she was my Valentine for years. She still is. And you know, one time, a beautiful bearded fella showed up at my work with breakfast burritos.

So, yeah, it’s not all bad. For as much as something hurts, there are people who always fill those cracks and piece together your brokenness, and help you move forward. There are always days where you wish someone loved you the way you love them, and then you find someone who loves you in a way you never thought someone could. I’ve seen a lot of people proclaim “people who hate this holiday are just lonely” and that’s just not always the case.

I still don’t care for Valentine’s Day. Sometimes, I’m still a little girl waiting to be acknowledged by her Dad. Most of the time, I’m a woman who has moved on and built a nice life, who just doesn’t like the color pink or hearts. But, I will eat the life out of any cupcakes or candy, heart shaped or otherwise. Please believe that.