#healthyaugust & other concerns

No, I haven’t fallen off the wagon.  My shoulder has, but I haven’t.

At the end of July, I strained a muscle in my back doing shoulder shrugs.  The stupid part is, I knew I messed up and I kept going, which is actually pretty close to the story of my life.  So, if you’ve ever looked at a diagram of the muscles in your back, your traps are massive and are basically incorporated into everything you do, including but not limited to: moving your head to check both ways before pulling out of a parking lot, looking down at your iPhone, sitting at a desk (they stabilize your head), lifting yourself up out of bed, pulling a shirt over your head, holding a flat iron up to straighten your hair.. this list, dude.  This is list is huge.  The last 3 weeks have sucked.

I really am trying to get on board with this organized, healthy life thing.  The first week August, I did great.  And by doing great and running my guts out (not even weights!), I aggravated that strain again and finally had to go to the doctor.  I feel so disgusting and useless this week.  My house is a wreck, I am mentally a wreck, I feel like I look like a wreck physically, and I’m just a whole pile of hot mess.  It’s bad.

Do you ever get to the point that you’re like well everything is disgusting, including me, so it’s just best that I give up and not try.  I want to give up.  No, not like suicide give up, but eat a bag of Doritos in my overrun with cat hair house and not shower for several days give up.  I operate best under structure, and I have none of that right now.  I gotta get my crap together, man.

#healthyaugust is still happening.  I haven’t gotten too off point with my eating, but my workouts haven’t been great, so I don’t expect to drop a lot of pounds or inches.  When I went to the doctor on Monday, I have officially gained 20 pounds and that’s awesome.  Totally awesome.  Needless to say, this week has not been the week for Alena to feel great about herself.

But, here we are.  I guess I’m just writing this out to see it myself and to also let you all know that you are not alone.  So, I’m posting all these great workout pictures on Instagram and I’m totally on board, sometimes you just have a shitty week.  This has been a shitty week.  For real, I could make you a list of things I don’t like right now about myself, about how I look, about everything, but there’s no need.  We’re all struggling to get out of bed every day and put our best face forward.  Don’t be discouraged and think that it’s just you.

I suppose a good place to start would be cleaning my house and then using my new steam mop. Maybe hang up the clothes that have been on my guest room bed for a month and wash some towels. A good idea might be to get the layer of cat hair off the furniture and actually dust.  But, in reality, I just want to go home and get in bed and I can’t tell you what will win after 4:30pm.

All of these problems are so menial and superficial, but these are the things in the every day that get a person down.  People certainly have it harder than me, trust me that I know that.  But, sometimes doesn’t it just feel good to be like — this sucks and let me tell you why.  I just wanted to tell you why.

Here’s to getting through it and having a better day next time.  Or better week, even.  Hopefully.

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