and just like that…

And all at once, everything changed.  The years passed without a hitch, time stood still on some days, and some days it moved quickly, but before I knew it, the future was present and I was right here, turning 30 years old.

It’s pretty cliche, but I can certainly recall a time where 30 seemed a million years away and so incredibly old.  My Mama was 33 when she gave birth to me and for the longest time, I couldn’t imagine being that age or anywhere close to that age. Eventually, we all get there, and ideally, we go past these milestones, collecting memories and moments that we get to carry for as long as the human brain will allow.

Honestly, though, I wish I could talk to 15 year old me. I’d give anything to tell her so many truths and beg her to be kind to herself, to love herself more, and to live without apology in this silly, unfair world.  It wasn’t until now that I found the importance in extending kindness not just to everyone I meet, but also to myself.  So many years of harsh, painful criticism directed inward, and now, I spend my days unwinding that braided wire of hatred and filling my heart and mind with kindness, and it’s not always easy.  15 years ago, I had no idea where I’d be today, or who I would be, but I am elated with both.

Truth be told, I think I was always meant to be in my 30’s.  I never partied in college, I never dated a lot, I never did a lot of things.  I was saved when I was 11, baptized at 17, and while I am certainly not perfect, I am a walking testimony of grace.  I certainly do not deserve the life that I have, the life I begged God for relentlessly, but He gave it to me anyway.  No.  He gave me more.  And it absolutely bowls me over when I think about how much more. I love the stillness of 30, of knowing who and what I am (though I have always had an idea – I’m pretty steadfast like that), and no longer putting value in anyone’s opinion about how I live my life or what I believe or think.  It’s liberating.

So, here we are.  The start of another year of my life, a new decade, a new chapter.  I’m excited to see what’s on the next page.

One thought on “and just like that…

  1. Happy Blessed Birthday honey!
    I am so happy that you are happy at the “ripe old age of 30!”

    It blesses my heart deeply and I am so proud of the young woman you are now, but get ready!! 30 is only the beginning of the vast reservoir of wisdom you will gain during this decade of your Life. You won’t believe who you are and the transformation 10 more short years will bring!!

    Love you dearly, my beautiful baby girl!

    Liked by 1 person

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